It's not the days but the moments

Roiling into the weekend, I had alot on my mind. A list of things I didn't get done at the office, a list of things I needed to get done at home, upcoming obligations that I haven't given the appropriate time to, and thoughts of an unkind note someone left on my car in the parking lot as I left work late thursday night.

Saturday the girls and I were running our regular errands - dropping off the dry cleaning, meds from the vets, picking up watches from the jeweler, weekly trip to Barnes & Noble....

We had a number of great finds at the book store this week. Not really too surprising since if I have the time to actually enjoy myself and not be rushed there are a great deal of things I could lose myself in and be completely happy.

Reflecting on it, I was reminded that I sometimes take myself to serious. Work has been just non-stop and very stressful the last couple of months. Wish I could say that there is relief in sight but I know that is a good year away. It was just a few short years ago, on a cold winter day, when I was thinking about what life would be like if I just picked up and moved the girls and I someplace with just the clothes on our back and start fresh. I had absolutely nothing to lose and life hinged on the hope of a tomorrow. It was a simple plan and it didn't have to be complicated.

Though it hasn't been long since that day, it seems like a day in someone Else's life. Really impossible to think about it when a person thinks about all the responsibility we put into our lives. Sensibility tells me, I need to take care of business and do what I must to continue to support the American dream. Respectable career, tidy home, stable upbringing for children, and steadfast friends for though have been there for me. There is another emotion of desire which sometimes calls just as loud telling me to live for the moment, enjoy the pleasures of now and throw caution to the wind. I think of Patty and I can rationalize that to the most extreme ends.

I can't just do the things I want to do, knowing very well, tomorrow will come and whether I'm given the opportunity to be a part of it or not, it will go on and it will impact those within my six degrees of separation.

Something has been missing lately, and I have been trying to put my finger on what that is.... I think I just need to take more moments to find interesting subjects in the book store I know nothing about and pull it from the shelf. I need to take time to thank the woman who empties my waste can at my desk each night by name. I don't know if she thinks the same thoughts I do, but I know the weight of the world in her hands is just as great as mine.

It's the end of another day and it doesn't really feel any more spectacular than yesterday was; however I am blessed to remember each day is a gift for anyone who dares to experience it and nothing really is so important that I can't stop and make the moment count.