You Be You, and I'll Be Me

This place, this page is my way of sharing with you a little bit about who I am. If you're not interested, my feelings will not be hurt, just move along.

I'm not looking for approval by putting words out here, I'm just exploring with my ability to articulate my thoughts in writing. That's the beauty of it, I am well past the point of caring what anyone thinks about my actions or whether I am going to offend someone by what I say or do when it is on my time and I involves my emotions and better yet my body. The fact that I know there are a few people out there that relate to some of the things I say, at least sometimes, gives me a sense of connection with people that I have often struggled with most of my life.

I have had my share of people looking from the outside in, judging me, feeling the need to tell me they would do something a different way, or asking me how would I feel if I was on the receiving end of some situation. Let me tell you, I have yet to meet a single person who has their shit together so much that I have ever said, "I wish I was that person". That is not something I have ever wished for, NO NEVER. Sure there are times when I have felt, I wish I had something that someone else has in their lives, for example, "I wish I had the motivation to work out everyday like Jan does and be in that kind of physical shape." However, when it comes right down to it, I don't have the motivation, and if I did, it would mean I would have to give up something else that I love doing, like working on my math equations, or doing homework with my kids, or reading books about obsessive compulsive disorders, or just simply spending time with my friends for that matter. So though there may be things about other people's lives that I envy, I would not for one second ever wish to be anyone but who I am.

So, when people imply they would behave a different way if it was them, I generally want to say, "well that is why you are you and I am me" ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL!


One of the characteristics I don't like very much about myself, which I would like to work on, is how upset I get with my friends and loved ones when they don't behave the way I would like them to - which is probably why it rubs me so much when they do it to me. I would say over the past several years, I have been doing my best to just understand where others are coming from, support who they are, and know that each choice they make helps add that much more character to who they are, and I can never possibly understand the depth of any single person and their live experiences.



I can only be fortunate enough to have them share it with me, if they trust me, if they feel I will not judge them, and if they truly want me to understand who they are on so many different levels. Really, understanding and agreeing to that brings so much more happiness than judging them ever will. The saying, when one speaks ill of me, it does not define me, but them...so true. I realize though, sometimes when people give advice, unsolicited advice that is, they don't see it is judgement, but it's really like calling a tangerine an orange - there is really not alot of difference when you get right down to it.



Don't confuse my blogs about the men that walk in and out of my life with any sort of deeper meaning of negativity or need to reflect on myself more deeply for imperfection. If it had any real value, I would name these men straight out, instead of just giving them nicknames. My stories are only my frustration talking, frustration that they men are so quick to get into my pants without every really knowing if there is any compatibility or desire to really get to know me but then trying to tell me I don't know what I want when I tell them they are not what I am looking for. I don't dislike any of them, not really, I just find humor in the fact that they think I should be accepting of them without ever really asking me, "so what is it you are looking for, do I have those qualities you want in a soul mate?" For some reason it seems if they have decided they are good enough for me, I should decide they are good enough for me. That is just totally recockulous. Do you know me? I'm pretty fucking amazing, I don't even think I deserve me.

Ok, all joking aside, this has nothing to do with sex. Nothing at all. Mutual relationships are great as long as they are just that, both parties are in agreement with what they want out of relationship, and where the boundaries are....

I can tell you that I have probably done things some people would deem inappropriate like having an affair with a married man for one. It wasn't something I set out to do, but it happened, and honestly I do not regret it. You read that right, I do not regret it. It also does not say I do not have respect for myself. If you are thinking that, again, you are entitled to your opinion, but I'm not asking for you to analyze me, I'm probably better at analysis than most. I learned a great deal from that relationship, and yes I can imagine how I would feel if I was on the receiving end of that; if I had been his wife.

Let me ask you, have you been a perfect wife/husband/sister/brother? Have you ever let anyone you love down? Did you raise perfect, well adjusted children as social deems it? Can one always count on you to be there, and to be Christ like in your actions? Will you, do you, lead by example? Do you put yourself out there, in uncomfortable situations, so that you will know what it is like to walk a mile in someone else's shoes?

It's very easy to turn away from energy and things you do not want in your life. The important thing is, you must ALLOW others to be who they are. If you are not ready to ALLOW, then really, do you have any right to tell someone else how to behave? Let me put it to you another way,

those who are best suited to tell others how to live a fulfilled life won't, simply because it is not in their character. They would rather live by example, and give you the option to take their lead if it works for you.

So I'm not asking anyone to change, rather I'm suggesting we all do an exercise in reflection, the next time presented with an option, to listen to something someone wants to share with us.

We can do one of two things:
1.) we can listen, be thankful that they have ALLOWED us to be a part of their reality and let them know we have heard everything they have shared with us. That's it. Nothing more.
Or
2.) We can offer them our unwarranted feedback about what they should do, and possibly have them decided they would prefer not to have our sort of energy in their reality. (That would be a great loss for us, now wouldn't it?)