If it's not right DO NOT BE NICE

This one is short and sweet but I need to write it so the next time I'm in this situation I can remember this moment clearly....

Fuzzy Wuzzy - Do not return his calls, do not answer his calls, if you accidentally answer his call or one of your daughters hands you the phone, DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT smile when you are talking he can hear it. Finally, you cannot be nice, tell him you are seeing a very nice WOMAN who is completely bald and you LOVE that. Goodness, do not agree with him you would like to stay friends.

Miss the Target Tom - Ok, first of all, any man named Tom, you should run like hell. Even if he had the face of Ricky Martin, the qualities of Ron Jeremy, the intellect of Plato or Socrates, and the financial backing of Bill Gates - there will be something WRONG with him. Target Tom was even willing for me to call him by another name just so I would continue to see him. I KID YOU NOT. Note to self: "Jennifer what is that telling you? He is just overflowing with self esteem....not" Review your text message list before you send out mass "Happy New Years" you sometimes send them to men on your IGNORE list. Real Smart. He might be able to hold a decent conversation and be a professional but he smells likes stinky feet. He has no concept that it is not appropriate to call someone at 10pm at night and ask them if they want to go out...that night.

Brown Sugar - This one is going to be hard I know.... he is so beautiful, that fine brown frame, that....What was I saying? No, no, no. Ok, he sounds like Kermit the Frog; not to mention he sings all freakin time. I mean, it's one thing to sing a bar or two of Somewhere over the Rainbow, but he gets on that Beatles kick and you can't shut the little frog up. He is looking for a paycheck and yours barely covers you most weeks, you can't afford him. He can barely form a sentence but yet that doesn't stop him from talking all the time. Go buy a new toy from Smitten Kitten.

and last but not least....

Johny Conceited - He makes a living scalping tickets. Legal or not, would you be ok telling your friends that's what your boyfriend does for a living? When you go out with him, you would have to keep him away from mirrors or it will be difficult to get him to stop looking at himself. Do I really want to go out with someone that is prettier than me? Be honest, probably not... He continues to tell you what a great guy he is and a gentleman. If you have to profess it, what's up with that?

I almost forgot - and I'm not sure how, maybe because he stopped texting me for two days, wonder boy. I call him wonder boy only because he is so young. Legal, but still very young. It was nice at first, to get the attention of such a young, physically fit and athletic young man. However, I forgot that with youth also comes immaturity and obsession. I'm talking text me twenty times a day, calling me babe all the time, send me IMs when I'm working obsession.

For the record, let me state I have not gone out with, or stayed in with any of these men in the last 30 days - heck, it's probably safe to say even 60 days so all of the annoyance has been coming from phone calls, text messages, or emails. Which is easy enough to avoid I know, but still seems a bit passive aggressive. The thing I find most "odd" is why now? It's not breading session is it? I thought that was late spring? Is Global warming effecting more than just the ecosystem? Have the animals lost their sense of when to procreate as a result of the imbalancement?

That has been my first week of 2008. I wasn't going to make a new year resolution but maybe there is something I should put on my list of things NOT to do.

If it's not right - do not be nice or they will keep coming back. I'm going to go and read TuckerMax now, it makes me laugh.