SCRUM master & the Gypsy

It's the end of week one in the new job. For those of you that I forgot to tell, I'll tell you about it now. I pretty much think everyone has known I have been sorta looking since I got the word I was cancer free in November of last year. It just takes me a little longer to decide on thing than the average person - I know that. Found a few positions that seems like they would fit the bill, but for whatever reason I didn't go that way, or get to go that way (the Ameriprise gig) I wasn't terribly upset about being stuck where I was because I knew it wasn't the specific vibe I was sending out and therefore, not the vibe I was looking to get in return. I know that now, because after week one, I feel really in my element. For the first time in a really long time on the professional front anyways. There is a lot of new lingo I need to be introduced to in this new role, but if my girls can train me on how to talk to a teen-ager the office thing should be a walk in the park. The funniest part of the week was being titled the Infrastructure scrum master. It was all of 2 days, when people started coming up to me making introductions and referring to me as such. I didn't and still don't know what to think of all that, but I will figure it out and rise to the occasion no doubt. It definately helps answer the question I have been asking myself about, "Do you want to persue more training in Program Management, continue to work on the PHD, or what, what's next?"

It's been a really interesting week and I feel like I've found some secret hidden energy source that I've never experienced before. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm going to do my best to keep with the wave for as long as I can.
Last night, JB, Amy Jo and I hung out in Uptown. On the walk to Stella's, we stopped at a fortune readers shop. I don't know what the hell was going through my head - like I said, new energy source taking me down different avenues. So we went in, and had her do a palm reading.
It was crazy how dead on she was about me. We got to ask two questions - mine where, "Will I be happy, and will I be remembered". Her immediate response was, "why do you think you are going to die? You are going to live for a very long time." I just felt this flood of emotion just pour out of me. Probably not a big secret, that I have been living on pins and needles since March 10th 2006 wondering what the heck comes next. Now don't read this the wrong way, I'm not saying I'm walking around all doom and gloom, "when is my time" that sure is hell is not me and I'm going to continue to do everything I always do without reservation. I have however, thought a great deal more about the relationship I will leave behind when my body is no longer present and how the things I have done have impacted this world our bodies live in.

The next thing the Gypsy said that really through me for a loop was when she said, "You are a leader. You were born to lead and not to follow" She said it over and over again. It wasn't the statement alone that was so surprising to me, I think I have known since I was like 5 I was never very good at following others and that when I try to do it, I'm unhappy. It was the way she was insisting I must lead and how successful I would be at my career. She told me my smile hides my real emotion and that others see me as very strong and hard (though I don't know if hard was the word she used). Her instructions were to keep smiling. At this point, I'm just thinking to myself, how could she possibly know I was just having this conversation with myself? I swear to goodness I feel like I'm the star in "The Truman Show" some days.
There were a few more things she said - all dead on. When she told me, I will be loved, but not in love, I guess she answered the question I asked, but it didn't translate the way I had intended. When I asked if I will be remembered, I meant as part of society. I wasn't looking for the touchy, sappy "does someone love me" crap. I know myself well enough to know that I'm not in a hurry to let anyone new in. I want to be remembered the way Charles Babbage is remember, or Hypatia of Alexandria is remember. Though not for her murder, rather her mathematical contributions. And yes, I am aware many people believe she was a lesbian. That comparison may actually have more to do with the Gypsy's response of "I will be loved a lot but not in love" quite a bit.

Yes I will definitely love, I have an absolute need for it. I love men, and I very much enjoy when they appreciate the energy I have to share with them. That is very different from being in love though. And of course, there are my friends and family, it's a given I love them, totally and without condition. Would it be such a terrible thing if at the end of my days, I didn't find my soul mate in this world, but I lived a full life with many loved ones in it? I'm pretty sure that would be ok with me.
Maybe I should just channel energy into being a SCRUM master for now, and figure the rest out later. Sounds like I have lots of time ahead of me. :)