Who’s to judge love?

How do you know when what you’re feeling is real? More specifically, love. It can be an overused word, and I suppose it has different meanings to different people. Personally I’m not one of those types of people that throws the word around too much. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem when it comes to my children, my friends, or my family, but when it comes to the opposite sex I struggle. I personally think I need a sign from God, like parting of the waters to know what I’m feeling is real. Maybe it's because, personally, I've been hurt before.

I know I’m not alone in that uncertainty, but it does pose a difficult conundrum, “everyone says it, so who really means it, and what does it really mean?” I watch friends struggle, trying to figure out what true love is and how others will judge their feelings. Society says, there is sanctity in the piece of paper that calls two people a married couple. However we all know that doesn’t make you love someone more or less just because you are legally obligated to them. Sharing of vows in front of god and loved ones is a beautiful thing, but it’s also just a moment in time. That thing we call love is a living emotion, if you ask me. The energy that creates and sustains that feeling needs to continue to be fostered and cared for, just like any living thing.

What if your timing is just terrible? What if you find the right person, that one that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see his/her face but one of you, or both of you, is not free to give your love the way society deems it acceptable. Does that make it any less real? You have to run around hiding it, stealing time when you can, and hoping nobody finds out, because you fear how others will judge it. I know more than a few couples that have been in that place too. Trying to deny that feeling; even calling it something else, so you don’t have to use that four letter word. You can tell yourself, it’s just sex, or it’s obsession, or just the want for something you can’t have, even comfort in friendship….

Or you can try to solution for how you are feeling. Tell yourself, it will go away if I don’t see him/her. Pretend if you keep that little piece of paper that says you are married, some how it will make today and the rest of forever with that person work without really working on it, or that you are going to hurt that person you are married to less if you stay in the marriage even though something is missing for one of you.

Or you spend your free time trying to find someone else to fill that void, because if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with….right? I can only speak for myself, but I really don't think that one works; I've tried it a time or two, or three, or four. I have no answers I only have feelings. You can tell me what you think, this is my definition of when I woman loves a man.

When you are doing something you really love to do, or a great new experience you wish he was there with you. The places you know he will be, you hope to see him. You get a little pang in your stomach, the way you did when you were a child on Christmas Eve, hoping to see him, or have him see you. When you stand in his presence, you want with every part of your being to touch him, to be touched by him. When you do touch, a tingle goes through your body, that’s not sexual but complete elation. At that very moment, nothing to be more perfect and right.
The feelings and thoughts of him don’t go away with time or absence. The next time you see him, it’s there, that same feeling, even stronger than before. When you do finally come together, for a moment, or an hour, or a day, you can’t seem to get enough. You can’t seem to get him close enough to you. Listening to his voice, looking at his smile, seeing the passion in his eyes as he is looking at you. You try to tell him with your body, your emotions, the very essence of who you are, what words can’t seem to express. How hard is it to say? It doesn’t make that feeling any less real if you don’t say.

The beauty of it is, you know he feels the same way you. Will the time come when you can have this? When you can let the world know you have given yourself to him, and he to you. Yes I know all the real world stuff like kids, money, chores, personalities and sickness have to be addressed but if you can be honest with one another, truly honest with one another I don’t know how you couldn’t get through those things.


You want to know all of his dreams, all of his pains. It’s not about pointing out flaws but you feel honored when he feels so comfortable with you that he tells you the things he is insecure about and somehow he knows you are accepting of those things and somehow brings you closer together. You want to respect and embrace everything and everyone he loves because you value the choices he has made and knowing he has chosen those relationships carefully.

After all, when you are lying there in one another’s arms, maybe it’s secret from the world, but it’s true for you and him, and it’s the most honest thing two people can share. Ending the moment is the lie, and having to go back to what the world deems appropriate is the sin. So why is it so hard to say it then, when it feels so right? I know it’s true, I love you.