Angels among Us

This is not what you think. If you looking for something that is going to explore out of body experiences or discussion about the after life, keep looking that’s not at all what this is about. This is much more simplistic than that, more about making it through this life, the one we can actually measure and the one that makes us measure the success or failure of others. I know my thoughts are random, so I’ll ask for your forgiveness now on where this one sided conversation might go.

I want to go back about 11 years. I was 24 years old. I was an aggressive, witty, and extremely unhappy young consultant climbing the corporate ladder. I took a class from this extremely charismatic and genuine instructor on Lotus Notes development. (Emphasis on the genuine here). I can’t even tell you what it was about this person, but she was so warm and full of energy that I hung on every word she said during that class. After that class was done, I decided, that’s what I would do…as a young consultant climbing the corporate ladder….I would be a lotus notes developer. I took about 5 more classes, in different subjects, including PeopleSoft, SAP, Oracle, and other crap I really can’t remember but it was important at the time I know. I know I should give you the background on why it was I got to take so many classes, and all the wonderful exposure to technology I got, but that’s a different chapter, and one I don’t really think is worth sharing at this point. Let’s just say, I was one of the chosen few that worked for Connect Consulting….

Moving ahead, I became friends with this person. I even followed this person to the next step in my climb of the corporate ladder….Metrix Corporation. Let’s name her shall we (cause she’s gonna hate this, KNOWING her the way I do) Susan Chester. I had no idea at the time, she was going to be my angel. My own personal angel. The person, that you know, once they touch your life, you will never be the same again. I just knew there was something special, something great about her, and I wanted some of whatever it was she had in her possession.

I need to tell you, those of you who don’t know Sue, she’s just like you and I. She has her own struggles, she has a mother, she loves more than anyone on the face of this earth (even though she would NEVER admit it), that just doesn’t seem to understand how perfect of a child she created. She has so many thoughts in her head that she just can’t get out; because either nobody cares to hear them, or she doesn’t have the persona to carry the weight it needs to have value to the rest of the world like Martha Stewart or Orpha Winfred. All the same, she is pretty fucky amazing. Let me just jump ahead, without giving you all the gory details. I had a very dark spell. I very dark spell. Not that I was in any threat of killing myself, but rather fading away into non-existence…which looking back, is like saying, I don’t matter enough to make a statement on my exit.

After all, we don’t remember William Faulkner for all his glorious writings, even though he was a Pulitzer winner just like Hemmingway because he dies quietly, just fading into the night. Hemmingway had to have a tragic death, so we could say, oh, how terrible, what a troubled soul…

So, Sue, she was there for me, through my dark period, and not only helpings guide me through that 7 month period but a lot helping me to see the next chapter, and \where I could go…She cared when nobody else did. NOBODY. Not a single person who knew me, not a single person who said they loved me. She wouldn’t give up, and I can’t understand why. I wouldn’t have done the same thing, if I had been in her place. I don’t care for anyone that much and I can’t give of myself that way, not now, probably not ever. She had no reason to care – and there was reason to think that was she was doing, that giving of her time, her energy, her love, would have any return on investment. Why do you love me Sue? Why should you care?

Skipping ahead, let’s say 7 years or so. I don’t see Sue very much. She doesn’t live close, and we don’t work together anymore. Neither of us knows what the hell we are doing on this earth, and chances are we will die not knowing. However, not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, and thank the higher powers that keep moving me forward that I see moved my path in life. I may never be a Gandhi but then again, maybe I will is some other form – I sure as hell hope so. If I do change one single life, and make it better for someone, or help someone understand it’s about others and not what we get out of it, it’s all because of my angel, and her faith in me.

If I never experience a love so pure again in all my life, I will be fortunate to have experienced it at least once My prayer to her is that someday she knows how perfect she is and can let go of the need she has for the love of her mother. To give of one’s self is the greatest gift of all. Thank you Sue.